i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
