brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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