Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
