There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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