He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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