Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
