you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
