On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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