guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
