Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
