I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i want to swaddle you in tequila
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
