Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
