how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
