Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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