What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
