I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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