I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
