I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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