You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
