She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
