I murdered the dance floor call the cops
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
