I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
