My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
