I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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