am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
