Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
