im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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