he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
