Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
