Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
