I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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