Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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