christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
