also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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