I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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