eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
