you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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