I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
