How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
