Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
