For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He better not be in your backpack
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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