I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found your dick twin last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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