i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
