i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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