You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
