I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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