she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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