I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
the liver wants what the liver wants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
