found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
