I don't think brook has ever known best
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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