Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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