she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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