So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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