I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
