The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
