Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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