i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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