Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
