it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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