Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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