i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
