Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
