After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
