the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
