I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
