my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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