I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We smell like vodka and hangover
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