New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
