you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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